Taboo Topic, Let's Talk...

Potential

From a very young age, I was self aware of how my intelligence set me apart from my peers.  My family treated me differently, my teachers expected more from me, and I had many high aspirations growing up.  However, my family was quite different from me.  My mother and stepfather could not have cared less about me or my whereabouts on a daily basis.  I got straight A's and because I stayed out of trouble there were no questions asked.  There was no interest in me at all to be honest.  I was never given guidance or asked if I needed anything.  I was in high school with no support and had no idea how to get to college.  How does one pay for such things?  I had to forge my mother's signature and take the driving test with my friend, whose mother thought my mother was okay with it.  Junior year, I got a boyfriend, he showed interest in me like no one had ever done my whole life.  I got pregnant my senior year, and then married.  I graduated at 6 months pregnant. 

 

I have an IQ over 130.  I have 5 children with a man who now treats me the same way my family did.  He rarely speaks to me.  Never wants to spend time with me.  He drinks daily and I feel like he loves his alcohol and puts up with me to keep his image up for the outside world.

 

My children are the only accomplishment in my life.  I have a load of grandchildren from my oldest 2 daughters.  My worst fear is that they will see how I sit around on the couch, withering away into nothingness and will fall into the same wasteland I live in every day of my life.  So far, there is no real sign of this blight in their lives, two are in college, one still in high school, and the other two have decent jobs. 

 

I have fears for their futures though.  Is my plight nature or nurture?  Will they fall into my lifestyle eventually when something doesn't go their way?  Have they watched me for too long and have my behaviors engrained in their muscle memory?  Or is it genetic?  Will they have some environmental factor influence a predisposition for my lifestyle?

 

It is the same old cliché, I want more for my children than what I had for myself.  But since I had and have so damn little, that is not saying much.